You’re Not Broken - But Your Inner Critic Wants You to Think You Are
When was the last time you did it?
I’ll bet you did it sometime today. Probably yesterday too.
I’m talking about that quiet hum of negative self-talk that plays on repeat in your mind. You know the voice—the one that says:
“You did it wrong—again.”
“You’re not good enough.”
“No wonder you’re still single.”
“You are broken.”
I used to do it all the time. For years. One little mistake, and boom—I was spiraling.
I remember when I was working in corporate and my boss wanted me to get a specific professional certification. To prep, I joined a study group that met every week for three hours. I studied solo too. I took every practice test I could get my hands on…
And I never scored higher than 60%.
I was convinced I was going to fail.
I told my boss straight up: “I’m going to fail.”
And in my mind? I was already beating myself up:
“I’m just not smart enough.”
But that thought wasn’t coming out of nowhere—it was part of the hum. The story that had been quietly narrating my life for a long time.
Why We Go Negative
There are a couple of reasons our brains default to negative self-talk:
Your brain is designed to protect you. It’s scanning for problems 24/7, trying to avoid danger—even if that danger is just potential embarrassment or rejection.
It’s a habit. You’ve been thinking these thoughts for so long, they run automatically in the background without you even noticing.
And while there’s science behind both of those, let’s keep it simple:
That inner negativity? It’s keeping you stuck.
So how do you change the story?
Let’s start here:
Take 100% Responsibility (But Not in the Way You Think)
Stay with me—I know this part feels spicy. 😅
Taking 100% responsibility doesn’t mean blaming yourself. It means choosing to take back your power.
Because as long as you’re blaming someone or something else—men, your coworkers, church ladies, your past—you’re off the hook. And while that might feel good in the short term, it also means you don’t have to grow, stretch, or do anything different.
You stay exactly where you are.
Here’s the shift:
Instead of saying, “There are no good men left,” or “That coworker is kissing up,” ask yourself something more powerful:
What more could I have done?
What am I missing?
What else can I try?
How have I been contributing to this result—consciously or unconsciously?
These kinds of questions aren’t about guilt—they’re about growth. They put you back in the driver’s seat.
Add Curiosity and Compassion
Of course, once you start asking those questions, the old hum might try to crank up again:
“See? It IS your fault.”
“You’re broken after all.”
That’s when it’s time to bring in two secret weapons: Curiosity and compassion.
💡 100% responsibility ≠ self-blame
✅ 100% responsibility + curiosity + compassion = transformation
Let me give you an example.
One of my clients carried a deep-rooted belief that she was a mistake. She was born from her mom’s affair, and that story had shaped how she saw herself.
But when we looked at the facts of her story—not the shame—we saw something new. She even ended up laughing. The shame began to lift. She could see the unconditional love she’d received from her adoptive dad, and a deeper understanding of her mom.
That’s the power of curiosity paired with compassion.
When you ask questions like:
“What am I not seeing?” or “How have I been contributing to this?” Ask from love. From a place of wonder, not judgment.
✨ What if there’s a tender, human reason you’ve been stuck?
✨ What if asking better questions is the most loving thing you can do for yourself?
That’s what we do in coaching. Not criticize your story, but understand it—clearly and gently.
And That Test I Thought I’d Fail?
Back to the story.
Even though I was convinced I wasn’t smart enough, I kept going. I didn’t drop out of the study group. I didn’t give up on the test. I kept studying, kept showing up, and when test day came…
I passed. 🙌
Three out of four sections with high scores. The fourth? I barely passed—but I still passed.
And that lie I was believing—“I’m not smart enough”—was just that: a lie.
What was true?
➡️ I showed up.
➡️ I kept doing the work.
➡️ I stayed curious.
➡️ I gave myself enough compassion to keep going.
And that’s what I want for you.
Your Next Step
Maybe you’ve been believing some lies, too.
Maybe you’re tired of dateless nights, lonely Sundays, or feeling like you’re not enough.
What if you’re not broken?
What if you’ve just been stuck in an old pattern—and what if now is the time to break it?
That’s what I help women do in coaching. It starts with a free consultation call where I walk you through my Before and After process. You’ll get clear on where you are, what’s possible, and how to get there.
You don’t have to live under that hum any longer. Let’s rewrite the story—together. 💕