The Secret to Joy: Why It’s a Superpower You Can Build
Let’s get real for a moment. If you’ve ever found yourself asking, “Why hasn’t God blessed me with a husband?” or holding on to a lifelong dream of marriage while also facing the possibility it might not happen, you’re not alone. It’s a tricky space to navigate—holding onto a dream in one hand and reality in the other. So, how do you live fully and joyfully in the tension of both?
Here’s the truth: Your single season isn’t just something to endure or “get through” until the next chapter starts. It’s your main course—a time full of potential, purpose, and divine design. And today, we’re diving into one of the most powerful potentials of this season: your potential for joy.
The Happiness Trap
Let’s talk about happiness for a second. How often do you find yourself saying, “I’ll be happy when…”?
I lose 10 pounds.
I get married.
I get that promotion.
The problem with this kind of thinking is that the “happy” finish line keeps moving. You lose the weight, and life still feels 50/50. You get married, but challenges don’t disappear. You land the promotion, and you’re still you, with the same mix of happy and unhappy moments.
Happiness, my friend, is fleeting. It’s a feeling tied to moments—like the joy of sitting on a beach in Maui with a good book and your toes in the sand. Those moments are beautiful but temporary. So, where does true fulfillment come from?
Climbing the Ladder to Joy
Unlike happiness, joy is a state of well-being. It’s something deeper, more lasting—and yes, it’s earned. But don’t worry, earning joy doesn’t mean you need to strive endlessly. It’s about intentional effort, stepping onto what I call “The Ladder of Joy.” Let me explain the three rungs:
Rung #1: Quick Fixes (The “Filler”)
This is where most of us start. It’s the stuff that feels good in the moment but ultimately keeps us stuck. Think: binge-watching TV, scrolling social media for hours, or indulging in junk food. These are low-effort, high-reward activities that give a temporary “hit” of happiness but leave us feeling empty later.
Rung #2: Natural Pleasures (The Building Blocks)
This rung takes a little more effort, but it’s worth it. These are activities that bring natural, temporary happiness and also move you closer to joy. Think about things like:
Exercising or taking a long walk.
Journaling your thoughts and dreams.
Spending time in God’s Word.
Having meaningful conversations with friends.
Pursuing hobbies like playing an instrument, hiking, or baking.
These activities may not offer instant gratification, but they nourish your soul and create momentum toward a more joyful life.
Rung #3: Deep Joy (The Transformation Zone)
This is where true joy lives—a state of well-being that comes from consistent effort and alignment with your highest self and God’s purpose for you. It’s built through:
Managing your mind and intentionally choosing thoughts that serve you.
Pursuing meaningful goals and taking bold action toward them.
Investing in relationships that matter, including your relationship with God.
Letting go of perfectionism and embracing the process of growth.
Rung #3 is where you evolve into the woman God designed you to be. It’s where you stop chasing happiness and start living in joy.
A Quick Discovery Exercise
Ready to climb the ladder? Here’s a quick exercise to help you take that first step:
Reflect on the “Filler” (Rung #1):
Write down the indulgent, low-effort activities you turn to when you’re feeling stuck or bored. Now, imagine removing them from your life. What would change? How might you feel freer, lighter, or more abundant without them?Create Your Rung #2 List:
Think about the natural pleasures that bring you joy and fulfillment. These should be activities that require a bit of effort but leave you feeling refreshed and accomplished. What’s on your list?Visualize Your Rung #3 Life:
What would it look like to step fully into your potential for joy? How would your mindset, habits, and relationships evolve if you lived intentionally on the top rung?
Your Joy Potential
Whether you want to get married someday or are content in your singleness, this season of your life is full of potential—especially the potential for joy. The truth is, your marital status is just a fact. It doesn’t define your worth, your happiness, or your ability to live a joyful, purpose-driven life.
You have the same potential for joy as anyone else. Married or single, the key is stepping away from the “filler” and choosing to climb the ladder toward long-term well-being.
Final Thoughts
So, will you take the first step? Will you give yourself the gift of time and reflection to uncover your joy potential?
Here’s what I know: Joy isn’t something you can order on Amazon or wait for someone else to give you. It’s something you build, one step at a time. And when you embrace the process, you’ll find that your single season isn’t lacking anything. It’s a season of abundance, growth, and limitless potential.
Now, my friend, let’s climb that ladder together. 💕