How Self-Confidence Can Change Everything
Have you ever caught yourself dreading another first date, convinced it’s less painful to stay lonely than to try again? Maybe you’ve promised to engage with matches on a dating app but always find an excuse to avoid it. Or perhaps the very thought of trying to meet someone feels overwhelming because you’ve started believing you’re not attractive, smart, or good enough.
If this resonates, I have good news for you: There’s a better way to approach creating the life you desire. It’s called self-confidence.
Self-confidence is the key to overcoming the doubts, fears, and “yucky” feelings that hold you back. It’s not about being perfect or magically becoming someone else. Instead, it’s about learning three simple but transformative skills: feeling your feelings, trusting yourself, and reshaping your opinion of yourself.
Let’s break these down so you can see how they can transform your life.
1. Feeling Your Feelings Without Fear
Many of us instinctively avoid uncomfortable emotions like loneliness, rejection, or disappointment. When I first started online dating, I dreaded the flood of “yucky” feelings: “What if I’m not thin enough? What if no one messages me back?” I avoided logging in to the app just to dodge those emotions.
Here’s what I’ve learned since then: Feelings are just vibrations in your body caused by your thoughts. They pass quickly—often in less than a minute—if you allow yourself to feel them instead of resisting.
When you develop the skill of processing your emotions, life changes. You stop avoiding challenges like dating or pursuing a big goal because you’re no longer afraid of how failure or rejection might feel. Instead, you try, fail, learn, and grow.
Imagine going on a first date that doesn’t go well. Instead of spiraling into despair, you can let yourself feel disappointed for a moment and then move on, confident that you’ll try again.
2. Changing Your Opinion of Yourself
Self-confidence also comes from reshaping the opinion you hold of yourself. So many of us have harsh inner critics that tell us we’re not good enough. When I first started dating online, my inner voice constantly whispered, “You’re too old for this. You’re not pretty enough. That message you sent was dumb.”
Sound familiar?
Here’s the thing: Your opinion of yourself is just a collection of thoughts. And while it’s natural for your brain to default to negative ones, you can retrain it. Start by practicing self-compassion. Commit to having your own back, no matter what.
For example, after a disappointing first date, resist the urge to tell yourself, “Of course he didn’t like me. Why would he?” Instead, choose a more supportive story, like, “That date wasn’t a match, but I’m proud of myself for putting myself out there.”
When you learn to intentionally rewrite your inner story, your self-confidence soars—and with it, your ability to create the life you want.
3. Trusting Yourself to Follow Through
The final pillar of self-confidence is trust—specifically, trusting yourself to do what you say you’ll do. Think about it: You wouldn’t let down a friend or a boss, but how often do you break promises to yourself?
Maybe you set a goal to spend 30 minutes on a dating app each evening but let yourself off the hook because you’re “too tired.” Over time, these little broken promises erode your trust in yourself, making it harder to commit to anything.
To build trust, you need to treat your promises to yourself with the same importance as commitments to others. Decide what you’ll do—and then do it, no matter what. The more you honor your word, the more you’ll believe in your ability to achieve any goal.
Becoming the Woman You’re Meant to Be
When you master these three skills—feeling your feelings, trusting yourself, and reshaping your opinion of yourself—you’ll unlock the confidence to pursue anything. Whether it’s finding love, landing your dream job, or simply living with more joy and purpose, self-confidence is the foundation for creating the life you desire.