Embracing Self-Love

I took a trip to see two long-time friends. I just love catching up with friends which usually ends up looking like long conversations.  And, I love those long conversations with good friends.  Especially when I am not in a rush to be somewhere else or do something else.  Just sit and listen and be listened to. 

I met one of those friends at a local diner one morning at 10am for a late breakfast.  We enjoyed our meal and took turns talking and listening.  I made a point of not checking my watch or phone to see what time it was as we sat there.  I didn’t want to let the time be a factor in my time with my friend.  So, we kept on taking turns talking and listening.  We also laughed and cried a couple of times too.

Eventually, she got a reminder phone call from her son that it was almost time for her to pick him up from work.  So, she reluctantly said she had to go.  We then realized the time.  It was 4:30pm!  We had been taking turns talking and listening for 6.5 hours straight! 

As you can imagine, lots of lots of words were said in those 6.5 hours.  Of all the words my friend said, there were a couple that really stuck with me.  She reminded me of a powerful truth and a principle. 

A Powerful Truth and Principle

She was talking about how sometimes her children, even now as adults, push back at how when they were little, she had reminded them of the importance of Sabbath worship, or spending time with God in word and prayer or anything having to do with their faith tradition.  And even now they push back when she reminds them.

Here is the truth and principle she reminded me of.  She said that she responds to her children by saying “Your relationship with God is the most important relationship you will EVER have.  Did you really think I was going to leave that up to chance?”

Wow!  Now let’s personalize what she said.  Pretend she is saying it directly to you as you sit with her at the diner, “Your relationship with God is the most important relationship you will EVER have.  Do you really want to leave that to chance?”

What is your relationship with yourself?

Let’s make this personal. Are you leaving your relationship with yourself up to chance? One key component of your relationship with yourself is the opinion you have of yourself.  The opinion you have of yourself is one of the three key indicators of how much self-confidence you have. 

It is so important.  Just like the nutrients that you take into your body impact your efforts to create a healthy body, the thoughts and opinions you have of yourself that swirl around in your brain impact your relationship with yourself and thus your self-confidence.

The opinion you have of yourself is important.  It matters.  It should not be left up to chance.  You must be intentional in how you talk to yourself and the thoughts you allow to swirl around in your brain if you desire self-confidence.

Here is what is happening right now as you leave your self-confidence and thus your opinion of yourself up to chance.

You are finding yourself questioning your ability to do something new or hard.  And you are questioning your ability to even just to keep going. 

You are believing that you have to do it, whatever it is, perfectly and you don’t want to fail.   Failing doesn’t feel good.  So, you avoid it by striving for perfection. 

You aren’t spending much time thinking highly of yourself.  You quickly and easily tune into the negative swirl of thoughts your brain offers up.

You are letting your brain run on autopilot which is means that it is busy looking for what is wrong so that you are ready fight, flee or freeze. 

The life you are now living is a result of your opinion of yourself, your level of self-confidence.

That is your reality right now.  But it doesn’t have to stay your reality. 

The Land of Imagination

Let’s go into the land of imagination.  We used to go there all the time when we were little girls playing with our Barbies, baby dolls or dress up.  Let’s imagine.

Imagine what your life would be like if you trusted yourself and your ability to create any future that you truly want to create. 

Imagine how you would show up if you no longer were hostage to perfectionism. 

Imagine the things you would try when you no longer fear failure.

Imagine if rather than your brain spinning out all the old tired negative self-sabotaging narrative it spoke of love, compassion and excitement about how wonderful you are.

Imagine if the first thing your brain caught hold of was what was working and wonderful rather than broken and wrong. 

Imagine what your life would be like if the opinion you have of yourself was a positive one! 

What specifically does your life look like when you have a positive opinion of yourself?

You will set more goals.  You will take more action.  You will talk to more people.  You will take more risks.  You will achieve more.  You will believe beyond what you believe is possible now.  You will create and live into the future you just got done imagining!

Goals.  Action.  Talking to People.  Risks.  Achieving and believing may see scary to your right now.  Because you have become comfortable living with a brain that is just running on default and as my friend put it letting your life happen by chance.

Equal Air Time

Just last week here in the US we had our Presidential election.  And the country was pretty split about who was the better candidate.  If you leaned conservative there were certain news outlets that you probably preferred.  And the same if you leaned liberal there were other outlets you probably preferred.

And if you are like me, you probably tended to stick with your preferred news outlet.  That is very normal.  Our brains like it when it doesn’t have to use to much energy thinking about other positions. 

It is the same with how you have allowed your brain to default to a negative opinion of yourself.  You are only listening to one news channel.  And it is negative.

You can and must train your brain to give at least equal air time to a different narrative about yourself.  Switch channels from the negative station to the positive station.  Now your brain won’t like this at all.  But you can train your brain to prefer the positive station and thus improve your self-confidence.  Your brain will respond if you are consistent and patient – it will begin to prefer and see what is good and right about you.  Your opinion of you can change.  It takes work.  It can be done.

All you need is…drum roll please…a pen, paper and some quiet time to write!  😊  You knew that was coming, didn’t you?!

Here is what I want you to do.  On one side of the piece of paper write the story you currently tell about yourself.  On the other side of the paper write the story you want to tell about yourself…the one where you imagine if…all the things I mentioned earlier.

I’m not going to give you any further instruction.  Just let your mind guide your pen.  On one side – what is the story about yourself that currently swirls around in your head.  What do you believe about yourself?  Who are you right now?

On the other side of the paper – what is the story your want to have in your head.  What do you want to believe about yourself.  Who do you want to be? Who do you imagine you can be?

Now tape that paper up on your bathroom mirror with the story of what you want to tell facing out.  While you brush your teeth in the morning re-read your positive story.  Begin the practice of training your brain to listen to a different station. 

And tonight, when you are brushing your teeth, re-read that same story.  And when you kneel down to pray right before curling up in bed, ask your Heavenly Father to help you see all the evidence that you are loved, of great worth and that what you desire is possible.  Ask him to help you feel of his love for you.  Thank him for helping you to see and feel the possibility and love he has for you.

The relationship you have with yourself is one of the most important relationships you will ever have.  Why would you leave that up to chance? 

The choice is yours.  You can continue believing the story you currently have about yourself or you can switch the channel and start living into the story you want to tell about yourself. 

Imagine what your life would be like when you live the story that is full of love and possibilities.  Just imagine.