Don’t Give Up: 2 Strategies to Keep You on Track with Your Goals

Have you just about had enough and are ready to give up on the goal you set at the beginning of the year? Or have you already given up? It seems that there is one problem after another that gets in your way.  No matter how hard you try, there seems to be something in the way.

So, you think your goal isn’t worth it.  You will stay right where you are.  Life is fine as it is.  No need to dream big and then face disappointment. 

I get it.  I invite you to lean in as I share my own struggle trying to realize a goal and the problems, I discovered that are in the way.  I will not only share the problems but the solutions too. While you goal will be different than mine, your problems and the solutions are the same. 

I had the weirdest dream.  I dreamt that I found an abandoned baby.  In my dream I was in a room with a lot of other people and one was a woman with a baby.  For some reason, she left the baby and never came back to it.  I picked up the baby and wondered what I should do next all the while knowing I just could not leave the baby all alone. 

So, there I was in my dream carrying this baby around.  She never cried, didn’t seem hungry, didn’t need a diaper change…she just quietly stayed in my arms as I carried her around wondering what to do with her.  Like I said, a weird dream.

Most of the time, my dreams do not stay with me.  I don’t remember what I dreamed about – it all goes away when I wake up.  But this dream stuck around.  I wondered what it might mean.  So, I did what every one does, I Googled what it means to dream about an abandoned baby.

One meaning that makes sense to me is that the baby represents an abandoned dream, goal or wish that I have.  Interesting!  As I pondered on that possibility, I did realize that there was one specific result I hope to create for 2024 that I have been ignoring to a degree. 

Truth be told, I have been giving it just enough attention, dabbling in it just enough to prove that perhaps it isn’t possible.  Just enough dabbling to begin believing that the steps I am taking are not working and will not work.  Just enough to believe that what I want to achieve is not possible.

Do you ever do that? Of course you have. Let’s talk about why that is and the solution to the problem.  This one is just as much for me as it is for you.

140lbs. Consistently

That is one of the results I want to create during this year: my body weighing 140 pounds consistently.  Well, that my friend, is my abandoned baby.  While I have not totally ignored it, I have not fully embraced it, tended it, helped it to grow into my reality!  Totally honesty. 

Why am I doing that?  Let’s think about and talk about some of the possibilities and see if we can find a solution to each of those possibilities, often showing up as an excuse, or some such thing.

Now your abandoned dream or goal may not be about weight, it maybe about dating more, or making more friends, or achieving some sought-after career advancement.  Whatever it is, I invite you to lean in and find the part or parts of this episode that solve the problem you are facing.

As I mentioned a moment ago, I already know what it is that I want.  I want to consistently weigh 140lbs. when I step on the scale in my bathroom.  I mention that often as women we haven’t even allowed ourselves to want.  We are so busy caring for and tending to other peoples wants, we often abandon our own.

What is the problem?

The think the problem is that I am not even close to weighing 140lbs.!  But that is what I want.  At least that is what I am telling myself I want.  But I also know I am not acting like I want to weight 140lbs.! 

Did you catch the difference?  I tell myself I want to weigh 140 but I am not acting like I want to weigh 140!  That is the problem.  There is a disconnect between my thinking and my actions.

Why the disconnect?  I offer up the following reasons or as I will call them, problems, and solutions.  I thought of 2 problems and thus 2 solutions.  Keep reading and lean in to see what you learn about your own disconnect. 

Problem/Solution #1

My plan is not clear.  That’s the truth of it.  My plan is not clear.  I don’t have a clear, step by step, tactical plan that I am following.  I am kind of shooting from the hip seeing what works. I am also borrowing from my past plans when I have lost weight and cobbling together a new plan.  A little bit of this and a little bit of that. 

Now you would think that would work right?!  I have done it in the past so what I have done in the past should work just fine right now.  The truth of it is I am not following a well laid plan, I am dabbling.  Dabbling just enough to prove that my plan won’t work.

What I need is a clear, step by step plan.  A protocol. I need a protocol that I will follow.  One that is clear and easy to follow.  What works for me is to write down my protocol – listing when I will eat, what I will eat and how much I will eat.  I also like to include in my protocol the foods that I want to avoid – those pesky trigger foods that are hard to portion control…anything processed, sugary and salty.

I also need as part of my protocol, a plan of attack when I face those moments, those celebrations and reasons or obstacles to ignore my plan.  You know what I am talking about!  Those obstacles that are bound to come along.  The girls-night-out where sweets abound.  Or the birthday party with not only cake but ice cream.  Or even the upcoming holiday season…candy at Halloween, pie and mashed potatoes at Thanksgiving then the repeat that comes with Christmas! 

The problem is my plan is not clear.  The solution is to write and commit to a protocol.  And in anticipation of the obstacles that will come along, to plan my strategy of how I will overcome each obstacle.  And I also know that my body is different than it used to be and I am older.  I know an expert would help me create a protocol that will work for the body I have now.  So, I’ll get some help.  That is part of the solution – getting some expert help.

Feeling better already, I am.  I’ve got a problem and now I have a solution.

Ok, so your goal is not to lose weight.  Let’s say your goal is to date more.  The solution is the same.  Write a protocol a plan of how you are going to create more dating opportunities.  What are the obstacles that will come your way?  What is your plan or solution to overcome each of those obstacles? 

I promise, that while the problem is different the solution is the same.  Knowing what you want and then brainstorming all the reasons to give up or obstacles that will come your way.  Listen, I know that the practicality of this sounds rather unromantic and not sexy at all.  But it is romantic and sexy to have lots of dates…if a practical, strategic protocol will get you there…why would you let that keep you from what you want?  And, I invite you to consider that you too might want some expert help helping you with a practical, strategic protocol – a roadmap – that will help you get what you want. 

Problem/Solution #2

This is uncomfortable.  You know what it’s like.  You start working your protocol the one that is bound to take you right to your goal all motivated and excited and then boom!  “This is hard.”  “I just don’t feel like it today.”  Or a myriad of other thoughts that can potentially derail your plan. 

It’s uncomfortable to be the only one at the table not eating the cake, ice cream or candy.  It feels unfair to be the only one not going back for seconds of mashed potatoes and green bean casserole. 

Listen sister, I hate to tell you this but the solution isn’t very sexy or easy.  But it is simple and leads to so much confidence.  The solution is to feel your feelings! 

I know!  What?!  Why would you sit there just feeling uncomfortable when you could jump in and eat the cake just like everyone else?  Why should I feel left out, it isn’t fair, when I could jump up with aunt Edna and go back for seconds? 

Stay with me here.  When you choose to feel your feelings – the feeling of uncomfortable – rather than buffering it away or masking it by eating the cake – you will begin to have authority over your emotions.  You will be in charge rather than your emotions.  We laugh and sometimes say, I just couldn’t help myself!  But you can.  You can help yourself.  You do that by feeling your emotions rather than pushing them away, eating them, drinking them or staying in bed avoiding them. 

I know this sounds crazy and so counter to what you have been socialized to think is the way to handle feelings.  Think about it!  When you were a little girl and someone hurt your feelings or you fell down and skinned your knee, your mom probably handed you a lollypop or something to make you feel better.  Bless mom’s heart, she thought food was the answer to everything.  It is how you help a skinned knee or broken heart feel better.  And it was certainly how you show someone you love them.  Feed them. 

So, no wonder you struggle to feel your feelings.  And no wonder it feels so yucky.  You aren’t used to doing it and maybe even have never allowed yourself to simply sit and feel rather than buffering, avoiding, resisting or reacting to what you are feeling.

Whatever your goal, be it losing weight, or putting yourself out there on a dating app, or going after that promotion, you will feel emotions that are challenging to feel…uncomfortable, scared, rejected, unsure and on and on.  Feeling those feelings, you will be tempted to turn around and go back to where you were before you had your dream.  You will want to abandon your dream. 

But here’s the truth of it.  Even though you abandon your dream it is still there.  Just like the baby in my dream.  It is still there.  And in the abandoning because the dream is still there you will still feel uncomfortable, scared, rejected and unsure!  Either way, abandoning your dream or going for it, you will feel uncomfortable, scared, rejected and unsure.  So why not learn to feel those feelings AND create the result you want!

The problem is that part of the price you will pay to achieve your goal is you feeling uncomfortable.  The solution is learning to feel uncomfortable and allow the feeling.

So, there you have it.  Two problems that are keeping you from your goals and dreams and two solutions to over come those problems. 

Problem #1 – Your plan is unclear!  Solution #1 – Write and commit to a protocol!

Problem #2 – It will be uncomfortable!  Solution #2 – Learn to feel and practice feeling!