4 Habits of Women Who Get What They Want

When was the last time you got what you wanted?  I for one, really like getting what I want.  I mean, who doesn’t enjoy getting what they want? But getting what we want can seem elusive…so we just wait around hoping that it will just show up.  And sometimes, we don’t even allow ourselves to want for lots of reason so we don’t even try.

The truth is, you want something.  You want to get married.  You want to go on an exotic vacation.  You want to lose weight.  You want to be happier more of the time.  You want something.  Whatever it is that you are wanting, keep reading to learn the 4 habits that women who get what they want practice. 

Habit #1 – They know what they want

It seems rather simplistic but it is true…the first step in getting what you want is to know what you want.  Again, that seems so obvious.  But I will tell you that many women don’t take the time to think about what they want.  One reason is they are so socialized into the idea that they are only to give people what they want – not to want for themselves.

Is that you?  Do you allow yourself to think about what you want?  Or does that seem selfish and un-lady-like…somehow not something you should be doing…wanting something. 

Really give that some thought.  What is it that you want.  Do you know?  Spend some time, with a pen and paper, make a list.  Write down 25 things that you want that you don’t already have.  Don’t stop until you have the things…all 25 of them.  They can be things (like a new date-night outfit or promotion at work) a feeling you want to feel more often – maybe happiness or even an experience you want to have.

Another fun list to make is a list of 25 things that you already have that you want to keep.  What does that list look like?  It is interesting to think about what you already have that is not on that list.  It becomes a third list – the things I have that I don’t want anymore.  Perhaps what you want is to get rid of some things that you have.  Again, it could be possessions, a feeling you want to let go of like resentment or anger, even a relationship that you want to end.

The point is…women who get what they want begin by knowing what it is that they want. 

Habit #2 – They ask for it

This may also sound simplistic…women who get what they want ask for it.  Here is what I believe, there is someone who can give me what I want or help me to get it.  All you have to do is ask the right person…the one who can help you get what you want.  That person exists.  You just need to find them.

Sometimes what you want is something that you don’t want to do alone.  It is an experience you want to have.  Maybe a concert.  A movie.  Trying a cool new restaurant.  Taking a class.  And you want to do it with someone. 

Women who get what they want go to concerts, movies, restaurants and take the classes ask for what they want…they ask friends to go with them.  All it takes is one.  Sometimes, you may be wondering why you are sitting home alone watching Netflix rather than going out and experiencing your town when the answer is that you simply haven’t asked anyone to go out with you. 

Honestly, I never really struggled with that.  If I wanted to do something and didn’t want to do it alone, I would make a plan and then ask who wants to come.  And 99% of the time someone did.  It is so interesting how many women are sitting at home waiting to be invited and then feeling bad when they see social media posts about friends going out and about doing things.  Why is that?  Because someone is making it happen. 

Now you may be thinking “But that is not me.  I am not the party planner type.”  Well, friend, that is not true.  You can decide what you want to do and you can ask someone to go with you.  You were not born being unable to ask someone to go.  You have just abdicated this to other people in your life.  You are simply sitting at home waiting for someone to call you and make the fun happen for you.  That is a terrible way to get what you want…waiting for someone else to bring it to you. 

Habit #3 – They give it to themselves

I really want you to lean in to this habit and teaching.  When I learned about this habit it was truly life changing.  Here it is…If I want be happy it is up to me.  It is my job.  It is not my husband’s job to make me happy.  It is not my friends’ job to make me happy.  It is my job.  And…who better positioned to know what I need to be happy than me. 

This builds upon habit #2.  Often what we say when asked what we want, is to be happy.  And then we wait around for someone to make us happy. 

Here is how it usually plays out.  We have this list of behaviors that if our loved one – our boyfriend, sister, mother or friend did – we would be happy.  If your sister only listened to you as long as you listen to her then you would be happy.  If your friend remembered your birthday, you would be happy.  If your mom would stop criticizing your choices then you could be happy.

Listen friend, if you are waiting for other people to change their behavior before you can be happy…you are in for a very long wait.  The good news is that you don’t need to wait for them to change for you to be happy.  No matter what they do or do not do it does not have to impact how you feel.  You get to choose. 

You are responsible for how you feel.  No one else.  If you want to be happy you get to do that all on your own. 

Most of us don’t believe this truth because we were taught from a very early age that how we feel is dependent on how other people treat us.  Remember when mom would ask you if big brother made you mad.  Or put you in time out because you made sister sad.  We were taught that other people have the power over our emotions.

Women who get what they want have come to know the truth – they are responsible for their own emotions.  Not mom, brother, sister, boyfriend or anyone else.

Habit #4 – They don’t give up

Again, this sounds simplistic…one way to ensure that you get what you want is to not quit.  Quitting will only ensure that you won’t get what you want.

The problem is that our natural brains want us to quit and is really good at trying to convince us that it is the right thing to do – to give up.  Our brains tell us we are using too much energy, this is scary or hard, and it reminds us that we were fine before we decided we wanted what we wanted…let’s just go back to that.  Your brain wants things easy and safe. 

But you, with your higher divine brain wants to progress.  You want to be happier more often, to get off the couch and out in to the world.  You want to find love.  You want to learn something new.  You want to stretch yourself.  You want to discover what is waiting for you when you think about what you want.  You are willing to take charge of your life and make it happen rather than waiting for it to happen. 

How can you get what you want?

You begin with knowing what you want.  If you are not sure, you find out by being still and asking the expert who knows…yourself.

Next you ask for it.  You ask specifically for it if that is appropriate or you ask for help to get it.  There is someone who can and will help you.

You don’t give up.  You keep taking the steps – one after another – moving ever closer to getting what you want.

And nestled right in there is you take back responsibility of how you feel. 

You can have what you want.  It begins with these habits.