Rejection! 3 Tips That Will Help the Next Time You Are Rejected

We all face rejection.  It is simply part of our human experience.  There are many circumstances in which you will be exposed to being rejected.  One that may have immediately popped into your mind when you hear the word “rejection” is the rejection that you will experience in your dating journey.

Tip #1 – He Made Another Choice

Are you rejected if a guy you are dating tells you he thinks you should stop seeing each other?  Are you rejected if a guy you briefly dated suddenly ghosts you?

I say “No!  You were not rejected.”

Those choices had nothing to do with you.  I invite you to consider that you do not have to take not being chosen to mean that there is something wrong with you.   

Now, it doesn’t feel good.  But you weren’t rejected.

What really happened is that he simply made a choice other than the one you had hoped he would.   He isn’t ready for more so he tells you he thinks you should stop seeing each other.  Ghosting you was the best he could do.  Simple as that.

I want you to consider that rejection simply means that he made a choice.  And his choice does not mean that you are unlovable, unworthy or not good enough. 

The truth is you get to decide what you make it mean when you are ghosted, or he doesn’t ask you out again. You can decide that it means that there is something wrong with you.  Or you can decide that he simply made other choices for reasons that have nothing to do with you.

Will you give yourself the gift of considering that the definition of rejection isn’t what you thought it was.  The true definition is that someone made a choice that was different.  It was different than the one you had hoped.  That is the part that doesn’t feel good.  And it doesn’t mean that there is something wrong with you.

Tip #2 – Don’t Reject Yourself!

The simple truth is you don’t like how it feels.  It is human nature to avoid things that expose you to negative emotions.  One of the jobs of your brain is to keep you safe. Another job that your brain has is to seek pleasure.  When you choose to believe that you are not good enough you feel bad.  And since your brain seeks pleasure, it makes sense that anything that makes you feel bad or sad you avoid.

In your life this avoidance can show up in at least two ways. One way is to simply avoid any chance of being rejected.  Maybe you do this by staying home alone, not putting yourself out there on dating apps. 

The other way it might show up is that you fall into the trap of people pleasing.  You try to become what you think he will want in hopes that you won’t be rejected.  Yet all the while you are pretending to be someone you are not.  

I want you to consider that when you stay home in hopes of avoiding rejection or you people-please to manipulate being chosen you are in fact being rejected.

You are rejecting yourself!!!  That is the worst kind of rejection.  When you stay home playing small you are rejecting yourself.  When you pretend to be someone you are not you are rejecting yourself.  Do you see that?  You are reinforcing the belief that you are not good enough just as you are.   Not only is it not true, it is a terrible way to treat yourself.

Tip #3 - Consider the Upside

How you treat yourself affects your self-confidence.  When you reject yourself in an effort to avoid being rejected by others, you are impacting your self-confidence.  In order to build and maintain rock-solid self-confidence you must treat yourself well. 

Rejecting yourself in hopes of avoiding rejection is NOT treating yourself well. 

I want you to consider that when someone makes a choice that is different than the one you wanted it is the perfect opportunity to practice treating yourself well.

Let’s go back to being ghosted.  You had hoped to get to know him more.  However, he made another choice.  He decided he didn’t want to get to know you more so he ghosted you.  His decision is the perfect opportunity for you to practice treating yourself well.  You do that by choosing on purpose NOT to believe that there was something wrong with you or that you are unlovable.  Instead, you choose to believe that he is in pain and simply not ready for a relationship.  And the only way that he could make that known was to simply disappear. 

Choose to extend him grace and compassion and to extend yourself the same grace and compassion.  Choose to treat him well and more importantly choose to treat yourself well. 

The truth is that you can choose to let rejection work on you in one of two ways…you can choose to let it work to your own detriment or you can use it to strengthen your relationship with yourself.  The choice is yours.  I vote that you choose to use it to strengthen the relationship you have with yourself.