Secrets to NOT Giving Up

Whatever your desire or goal, you start out motivated and stoked to get what you want.  Then the grind sets in and you begin to wonder how much longer until you get it.  You wonder if you are even close to getting what you want.

With somethings it is easy to know how close you are.  Reading a book is like that.  If you are on page 27 of a 500-page book you know you are 473 pages from end of the story.  GPS is another way to know how close you are – this time to your destination.  The timer on the oven lets you know how close you are until the roast is done.  See what I mean, with somethings it is easy to know how close you are.

BUT, other aspects of life are not so clear.  The things that may be closer than you think and yet how hard it is to know that.  For instance, perhaps you are on a couple of dating apps and are going out on lots of first dates.  You are beginning to wonder, how many more first dates do I have to go on before I meet my person. 

Or, you have set a goal to go to the gym and lift weights for 30 minutes 3 times per week.  It is hard.  You are beginning to wonder how much longer do I have to do this before it becomes easier and I see results.

You maybe thinking of something else entirely that is going on in your life and you too are wondering how close you are to whatever it is that you want.  Let’s call this not knowing the unknown zone.  One of the emotions you probably feel when you are in the unknown zone is uncomfortable.

The Motivational Triad

Rather than resisting the feeling of uncomfortable, you can understand why you feel this way.  Your lower brain, your human brain, operates from the motivational triad.  Your human brain wants you to seek pleasure, be safe and expend as little effort as possible.  So, it makes total sense that you would feel uncomfortable in the unknow zone.

Your brain interprets that while you are in the unknown zone, you are being unsafe and using too much effort by going on the first dates and lifting the weights.  It simply doesn’t know how close you are to you finding your person and being able to lift heavier weights.  And it doesn’t like it.

Those are the juicy aspects of life where the unknow zone lives and also where the growth and fun of life lives.  AND your human brain is really good at looking at your past to gather evidence to suggest that what you desire is not possible or worth the effort…the unknown zone it simply too long. 

Your past self will have strong and loud opinions on what your future will be.  Remember, just because it is loud and opinionated, you don’t have to listen, you still have a choice.  You get to choose what to take with you into your future plan and what to simply release and leave behind.

The Unknown Zone

In the unknown zone your natural human tendency is to see the zone as a negative thing.  How much longer will this take?  How much longer do you have to feel uncomfortable?   

Let’s flip it on its head…the unknown zone is also one of excitement…you are so close!  You know that if you keep going, you’ll get there.  You are just one date away from meeting your person.  You are almost able to pick up the next heavier weight. Just one more time showing up.  You are so close!

It’s like someone once said “Everything thing is hard.  Until it’s not!”  I will add “Everything is far away.  Until it’s not.” And “Everything is in the unknown zone.  Until it’s not.”

The Secret Ingredients

Flipping your negative tendency on its head is one way to enjoying the unknown zone.   Yes!  You can enjoy the unknown zone. You don’t just have to grind it out.  You can enjoy it.  Here are two more ways you can enjoy the unknown zone.  Both of these ways involve one of the two most important relationships you will ever have.  The one you have with your Heavenly Father and the one you have with yourself.

Heavenly Father:  Your relationship with Heavenly Father can help you enjoy the unknown zone.  There are three components that affect your relationship with Heavenly Father.  What you think of Him, what you think he thinks of you and what you think of yourself. 

I find that one of the best ways to understand what He thinks of me is to spend time with him by studying the scriptures. every. single. day.  One place I have seen how He loves me is captured in Isaiah 43.

“Fear not, for I have redeemed thee, I have called thee by thy name; thou are mine. When thou passest through the waters, I will be with thee; and through the rivers, they shall not overflow thee; when thou walkest through the fire, thou shalt not be burned; neither shall the flame kindle upon thee.  Since thou wast precious in my sight, thou hast been honourable, and I have loved thee.  Fear not; for I am with thee.”

To put that into the context of the unknown zone, Heavenly Father is telling you he is right there with you.  You will pass through waters and rivers and some fire but fear not, he is with you.  Sometimes, all you can do is lean into and onto Heavenly Father’s love.  Nephi was totally in the unknown zone back in 1st Nephi 11 when he said “I know that he loveth his children; nevertheless, I do not know the meaning of all things.”

And let’s not forget the power of simply conversing with God through pray.  Talk to him about where you are in the unknown zone.  Let him know if you are wondering how much longer or asking him for strength as you keep going.  And if you are in the zone but from a place of knowing you are soooo close, express gratitude and ask again for continued strength from him to move even closer.  Then you get up, get to work and look for the evidence that he is right there with you…” Fear not, for He is with thee.”

The second secret weapon you have is YOU!  I want you to take a page out of Nephi’s book.  “I don’t know how long I’ll be in the unknown zone, nevertheless I do know I will have my own back the entire time”

What does it look like to have your own back?  It looks like you not beating yourself up.  It looks like you loving yourself, being compassionate, caring and kind to yourself.  It looks like you treating yourself with the same love that Christ extends to you, so beautifully captured in 1 Corinthians 13 and again in Moroni 7.

You will be with you the entire time you are in the unknown zone.  I encourage you to treat yourself well while in the zone.  Treat yourself with patience, kindness, not comparing yourself to others, staying in the truth of where you are and loving it right now while you are where you are.  That is joy.  That is when you can enjoy the unknown zone.  You love it as it is.

The truth is you are in the unknown zone because you chose to be.  You chose to take steps to find love so you are going on lots of first dates.  You chose to improve your body by lifting weights 3x’s per week.   You chose to uplevel yourself into the next version of yourself.  You chose to see what you are capable of.  Anytime, you move from where you are to were to want to be you will spend time in the unknown zone. 

There will come a point when you are in the unknown zone that you look back at where you were and can clearly see that you are so far into the zone that to turn back is too far…you are sooooo close to what you want that turning back is not an option.